Emerald
by JediC8H10N4O2
Summary: He had meant to take the high road. He was an adult, he had grown up. He really meant to take the high road. But the emeralds staring back at him broke him.


Disclaim: I do not own what you recognize

AN: I think things like this is done before, but I wanted to write a story where Snape tries to take the high road and fails, not because of James, but because of Lily

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><p>He didn't mean to do it. Not really. He remembered Petunia, and her hatred. He knew, or thought he knew, what <em>his<em> life had been like. He really had only meant to be as mean as he was to any other Gryffindor, because he couldn't be anything else. _He_ might look like his father, but he could move past that. He had grown up, thank you very much. He might be biased to Slytherins, and he might be a poor teacher, but he was adult enough to know that children weren't their fathers. He even used that to his advantage, trying to focus his Slytherins away from issues of blood. He knew.

But the Minute he saw _her_ eyes with _his_ stare, he couldn't help it. They were _her_ beautiful emerald, but where hers had been bright and full of life, _his _were stone cold, empty. Oh, _he_ looked like an eager muggleborn at first glance, but _his_ eyes gave him away. And he saw the gemstone eyes, and her eyes floated in front of him. And they burned in anger, still as lively as her son's were dead.

They accused him. How could he do what he did? Did he remember their friendship at all? Had he forgotten she was a person, not a goddess to lust after? Didn't he remember how she hated when people decided what was best for her? Didn't he trust her to make her own decisions? Did he think he could take her family's place if Voldemort succeeded? She would have figured out what he'd done. She would have killed him, eyes burning, the picture of a goddess of death and revenge. What was he thinking?

He wasn't. He knew that. He'd made a mistake in 5th year, and built up a picture of a perfect, forgiving Lily, forgetting her temper and loyalty, her protectiveness over those she cared for. He thought if he was a dashing hero, she'd come with him. He forgot she hated fairy tales. If he had swooped in, she would have slapped him for thinking she was helpless. She'd be out for revenge, locking herself away from world until she knew who to blame, everyone who failed to protect her family. Then, revenge would be had. And she would have nothing to keep her grounded. He knew what family meant to her, and to lose it all... She'd go on until those on her list were dead or she was.

When the year started, he planned to move on, to not blame the child for the father's mistakes. He even wondered if he could mentor the boy, the final insult to James. Perhaps use the boy to help his Slytherins, to protect them from the stares of the other houses. It would have worked. If only Harry Potter was a clone of his father. If not for the emerald eyes his mother had gifted him with.

Because those cold, dead eyes killed his plan, killed him. Her eyes weren't meant to be that way. They were full of life. No matter how she was feeling, her eyes were alive. And seeing her eyes like that, well, it shook him. Reminded him Lily was dead. And he couldn't handle that constant reminder. Not for seven long years.

And so he did it, focused on little Harry Potter. Taunted, tormented and angered him. Because in those moments, he saw a flash of Lily. He saw a flash of what he deserved to see from the eyes of his long dead best friend. And the faculty accepted it, muttering when they thought he wasn't listening about growing up and letting go of grudges. And the students accept it, Slytherin's viewing the young Potter as an okay target. He let them do what they wanted, and the years during Potter's stay were said to be some of his most lenient years by the Slytherins, for before if they made half the comments they made about blood, or targeting three quarters of the people they did, he would have had them in detention. But not now. Now, the students whispered, the professor was remembering his school years, and what everyone else deserved. And he let everyone believe what they wanted.

But he knew the truth.

He didn't torment Harry Potter because James Potter tormented him.

It was because of Lily and _his _eyes.

It was because he was a masochist.

It was because it was better to see anger in those eyes than nothing at all.

Because nothing at all was dead, and only her eyes should be dead.

And he missed her.

If being a bit of a bully was the only thing that allowed him to see her at all, even if it was only reflected in the eyes of her son, he would do it.

If only _his_ eyes weren't emerald green, Severus Snape would have been a different man.


End file.
